


I Knew Your Thoughts

by rangersandlegends



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, F/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 19:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangersandlegends/pseuds/rangersandlegends
Summary: After seeing a babbling blonde while on a mission in Starling City, Oliver realizes he's found his soulmate. Too bad he'll never meet her.





	I Knew Your Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I love soulmate fics, so I wrote one. Comments keep me going.

Amanda Waller was a psychopath. That wasn’t meant as an insult, but a presentation of the facts. Waller was cold, cruel, and calculating. Nothing stopped her from her achieving her goals. Not logic, not death, and, as Oliver was learning, not him.

 

He had suffered plenty of torture and in Hong Kong, but this might’ve been the worst. Being allowed to return to Starling City, but only in the shadows. His family was a wreck. His mother was nowhere to be found and his sister was on drugs. Tommy, Laurel, Detective Lance, all messes. And that was everyone he really cared about.

 

It’s not like he expected his death to be meaningless. But the longer he was away, the more he realized what kind of person he was. And that kind of person would be missed by very few. Sure, the public had mourned his father, and Oliver’s lost potential, but he had so few people who really knew him .Oliver knew that the man they missed was not who he was now. That was a man he could never be again.

 

Those thoughts haunted him as he snuck around his mother’s office at QC. There was an old photo of him and his dad on her desk. Oliver wasn’t smiling, not really. It was the fake devil-may-care playboy smirk he adopted at every chance. The paparazzi loved it. It seemed ridiculous now. He hadn’t given his mother even a nice smile to remember him by.

 

Maseo was in his ear, urging him to get out. Someone was approaching. Oliver grabbed the thumb drive and ducked into an alcove, fearing being caught by security. But it wasn't a guard. It was a girl. She was blonde and a few years younger than him. And she was talking to herself.

 

Oliver couldn’t pay attention to her words, however, because he was being flooded by warmth. There was buzzing in his head, making it hard to concentrate on his surroundings. Then his mind cleared, but the warmth stayed. Even though he’d never felt like this, he knew what had happened. He had found his soulmate.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Oliver believed in soulmates, of course. Everyone had one person with whom they belonged, and they shared the most unique of connections. Soulmates could send each other thoughts. It wasn’t mind-reading, exactly, it was more like talking. But no one else could hear it, and it worked across distances. They just had to meet first.

 

Oliver wasn’t really the soulmate type. He figured eventually he’d meet her, but didn’t think that far into the future. Before the island, he never planned more than a day at a time. And after the island, he figured he’d die before he met her.

 

Now here she was, standing right in front of him. Maseo kept urging him to leave, but all he could think about was her. What were the chances they’d meet here, when he was supposed to be in Hong Kong? Had destiny sent him to Starling at this moment?

 

She departed, and Oliver followed soon after. Before he was ready, he was back in Maseo’s apartment, sleeping on the couch. 

 

_ “Hello?” _ He heard the voice, plain as day, and jumped up to assume a defensive stance.

 

“Who’s there?” He called out, accessing his surroundings.

 

_ “Can you hear me?” _ the voice asked.

 

“Show yourself,” Oliver commanded.

 

_ “I can feel you in my head. Please say something so I know I’m not going crazy _ .” In her head? Oh. His soulmate.

 

He did his best to think at her. “I’m here.”

 

“Alright, so either you can’t hear me, I can’t hear you, or you're not talking.”

 

“No! I’m here!” he thought, trying to be as loud as he could.

 

_ “My name is Felicity, and I’d really like to meet you. I know you were at QC the other night. Maybe you weren't supposed to be. I won’t get you in trouble, I’d just like to meet.” _

 

Well, that wasn't going to happen.

 

_ “I’m at QC every day, in the IT department. Or, if you want I’ll be having lunch in the cafe on 7th and Harrison every day this week. My phone number is 555-756-4892.”  _ She was giving a complete stranger her number?  _ “I can’t wait to meet you. Bye!” _ He didn't feel the warmth now. Why couldn't she hear him? Was he really that broken, that he couldn't communicate with his own soulmate? Felicity. Oliver had failed enough Latin classes in college to know it meant “happiness”. It was probably for the best that he had nothing to do with her. He didn’t deserve happiness.

 

The next day was exhausting. He had to rack up a few more kills, not that he was actually keeping tack. He lost track on Lian Yu. He figured by now it numbered in the dozens. None of them was innocent, he reminded himself. He was justified doing it, just like the man who killed him eventually would be justified.

 

That night, he lay again on Maseo’s couch, grateful to have had a meal and a shower. The warmth filled him, and he heard her voice. Felicity.

 

_ “Hi, it’s me. Felicity Smoak. That’s my last name by the way, Smoak. I didn’t see you yesterday. Or get any missed calls. Maybe you were busy. I hope nothing happened, and that you’re okay.”  _ Okay was relative.  _ “Anyway, I thought maybe you’d like to know what, or rather who, you're getting into. Not that you're getting into me. I mean, eventually, that would be nice, but not right now _ .” Oliver found himself smiling at her unintentional innuendo. It was cute.

 

_ “Here’s what there is to know about me. I’m the newest IT girl at QC, meaning I’m first in and last out. That was why I was in so late the other night. There was a glitch in the system, so they sent me to check it out. Turns out it was nothing. But I’m 21, fresh out of MIT.”  _ MIT? So she was basically a genius. Especially if she graduated so young. How was she the one destined for him?  _ “My mom is my only family. She waitresses in Vegas. No siblings, no cousins. No friends in the city just yet. Yeah, that’s me. I gotta go, but I hope you’ll come find me tomorrow.”  _

 

Oliver was blown away. There was a genius, who worked for his family’s company, that was out there waiting for him? It didn’t seem possible. Felicity was pretty, yes, but hardly his type. The only time he had gone after a smart girl had been Laurel, and that wasn’t working out. Felicity was different. He liked listening to her talk. It relaxed him. He looked forward to the next night.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

The following evening didn’t disappoint. Felicity and her warmth were back.

 

_ “Hi, stranger. I didn’t see you today. If you want nothing to do with me, just say so. That way I could stop annoying you.”  _ Of course he didn’t want her to stop. She was the highlight of his day.  _ “Okay, so that leaves the second option. There's something wrong with our connection. I’ve done some research, and it turns out soulmates have to see each other. But I didn’t see you that night. I’m guessing since you saw me, that opened up this one-way connection. I still have to see you.” _

 

See him? They would never meet. He had resigned himself to the fact that he was never going home.

 

_ “We need to meet in person. I’m starting to think that’s not possible for you, since it’s been a couple days. So here’s the deal: you live your life and I’ll live mine, and when you can get to me, please do. Until then, I’ll stay in touch.”  _ He liked that deal. He wanted to hear about Felicity’s life, even if he never got to be part of it.

 

This got into a pattern. Oliver would do Waller’s dirty work by day, and listen to Felicity at night. He loved her voice. He could listen to her talk about anything. And, for the most part, she did. Sometimes she referenced things he didn’t understand, or people he didn't know. But he was learning: about processing speeds and RAM, about her co-workers, about her neighbors. She spoiled movies he’d never see, and gave commentary on the news.

 

Their routine was broken when the Alpha Omega virus was unleashed. Oliver had never seen such incomprehensible evil before. Child were screaming for their parents and watching them die. He had failed to prevent this. Failed to save Akio. He released each of his regrets as an arrow into the general. Torture was too good for this man, the one who had caused such misery.

 

He was nocking his next arrow when the telltale warmth flooded through him. He knew he’d hear her voice next.

 

_ “Hey there. Do you ever just have the worst day? Well, today, I broke my heel, spilled ketchup on my new blouse, and totally stuck my foot in my mouth with my boss. My landlord is thinking of raising the rent, so I might have to get a freelance coding job. So today has been torture.” _

 

Oliver cursed out her landlord in his head for causing Felicity trouble. But torture? Oliver was inflicting a hundred fold worse pain on the man in front of him. What would she think of him? She probably wouldn’t be able to stomach was was happening, either outside in the streets or inside the storefront. She’d see him as a monster. She should. He was.

 

Oliver had put his bow down by the time Maseo came in. Masoe ended the general’s torment. It was more than he deserved.

 

When Waller offered to take him home, he knew he couldn’t go. The monster he was shouldn’t be unleashed on his family, on Felicity. Coast City didn’t, either, he realized. Petty criminals weren’t what it needed to be fed. It needed real evil. Waller gave him that chance when she returned him to Lian Yu. As he fell out of the airplane, fiddling with his parachute, he could hear her in his head. 

 

_ “I can’t sleep. Are you sleeping? Of course not, I can feel you. Do you even sleep? You always seem to be there when I need to vent.”  _ Oliver landed with a thud on the island, doing his best to roll with the momentum. Whoever was down here was bound to see something, and they’d be coming.  _ “I had a date tonight. Total bust. The guy has a pet snake. He wanted me to go to his place to see it. That won't be happening.” _

 

Sure enough, Oliver had to quickly dispatch a man and dispose of the body.  _ “Am I so much of a freak that I draw other freaks to me? Or is the universe telling me I need to wait for you? Because this relationship is kinda one-sided.” _

 

It was an encampment in a familiar clearing. Seemed military, maybe off the books? It was too small to just take the dead man’s uniform and pretend he had been there all along. That left only one option.  _ “I hope you’re having a better night than me. Try to get some shut-eye. Maybe drink some tea.” _

 

So Oliver took on his Oliver Queen persona again to infiltrate the camp. Soon he had a shave, a haircut, and new clothes. He’d never imagined himself in the drug trafficking business, or the slave-trading business, but what could really phase him anymore?

 

Felicity's’ babbles were welcome to ease the boredom of keeping track of weakened slaves. He didn't really think of her as a soulmate in the traditional sense, more like a special friend who could distract him. The warmth she gave off certainly helped on cold Lian Yu nights.

 

_ “I think I’m pregnant,”  _ she started one night.  _ “Oh, God, did I just tell you that? I’m freaking out. This doesn't happen to people like me. But I’m late. And I’m never late. Do you have any advice for pregnancy scares?”  _ He had only had the one that he knew of. Well, less scare and more pregnancy. But it turned out to be a mistake either way.  _ “I guess I need to get a test. Maybe a few tests. No need to freak out without all the facts.” _

 

She continued to narrate her walk to the pharmacy, and the judgemental look on the female cashier’s face. Thankfully, she skipped the actual taking of the tests. Oliver was interested Felicity’s life like a character in a radio drama in his head. He didn’t want her to be pregnant, but it wouldn't affect him if she was. When it turned out to be a false alarm, Oliver was able to roll over and go to sleep. 

 

As things began to unravel on the island, he found himself more and more invested in the normalcy Felicity brought him. She was proof the whole world hadn’t gone crazy. Listening to her pick a nail polish color was heaven compared to fighting a zombie. Sometimes he’d ask himself what would Felicity do. It was his way of judging morality. He didn’t always follow through, but it was nice to be able to think about things differently.

 

Would Felicity kill Vlad? No. She would talk it out. Would Felicity save Taiana? Yes. So that’s what Oliver did. And so on.

 

He hadn’t forgotten what she looked like. It had been a year, and he barely got a glimpse of her, but it was seared in his memory. She was colorful, and bright, and cute. He could easily imagine having conversations with her. In short, she was becoming less of an extended figment of his imagination and more of a real person. One who, through no fault of her own, was caught in his orbit.

 

He thought eventually she’d give up. Now and then, she’d repeat her phone number and tell him she picked up every unknown call. As if he'd change his mind. But her babbles stayed constant. Sometimes, they felt more like internal monologues, like she forgot she had an audience. But he knew if he could hear it, she was purposefully broadcasting it. 

 

She never mentioned friends. And considering how often her babbles took place during lunch or dinner, she seemed awful lonely. He wanted her to have friends. Even in his time away, he had had friends. And Felicity didn’t seem like someone who drove people away. She was in his head and he didn't want her to leave. He wished he could be her friend. Not because he thought he’d be a good friend to anyone, but because she needed someone to talk to that could talk back.

 

Turns out magic existed. That was a new one. Felicity complained about how there were too many types of orange juice at the supermarket while Oliver led a slave revolt against a man possessed by an idol.

 

Would Felicity kill Taiana? Of course not. But Felicity wasn’t here. Felicity was safe in Starling City, a place this madness could never go. He wouldn’t let it. It was easy to  snap his partner’s neck.

 

He had promised her he’d stop Constantine Kovar. That meant he had one more person to kill before he could consider beginning his father’s crusade.

 

Oliver hadn’t been this independent in years. There was no timetable for this mission, no instructions on how to achieve his objective. So he committed himself to understanding the new country. His fluency in the language increased, his knowledge of the customs progressed, and his familiarity with underground fight rings became his source of income. He was able to move from a hostel to an apartment. It was mostly a bed and a sink, but it was good for nursing his wounds. But even those were becoming rarer, as he understood how to win a fight here.

 

Felicity was really the only time he heard English in his new life. His nightmares had even switched to Russian. Her babbles had decreased somewhat, due to her new boyfriend. Oliver wasn’t really jealous; who was he to deny her happiness?

 

_ “Adam asked me to move in with him today. I had no idea we were at that point yet. I told him I’d think about it, but I already know my answer is no. And it’s not about the whole soulmate thing. It’s that when I see myself having kids, I can’t imagine raising them with him. I can’t imagine him at the other end of the aisle. I’m not even sure I can imagine sharing a bathroom with him. Why can’t I? I love him, I do. But it’s not right.” _

 

Oliver knew what it was. He had never met the guy, but he knew Felicity. She needed someone to challenge her, on every level. And she could challenge them in return. This HR rep wasn’t going to challenge her, he was going to bring her down. And was he was uninterested in being challenged by Felicity. He could see that so easily. Why couldn’t she?

 

_ “I’ll tell him tomorrow that I’m not moving in. And I guess I’ll also break up with him. Wow. I didn’t wake up thinking my day would be so eventful. You're a good listener, you know?” _

 

None of his past girlfriends could say that. That’s not what relationship were about for him. Now, he had no choice. Still, he thought he’d listen to Felicity even if he wasn’t forced to. He’d never know, though, since they’d never meet. 

 

Then he became Bratva. He was certainly a step up from the slave trade, no matter what the brotherhood was involved in. It only took a few murders and some torture to get initiated. Not a low price to pay, but worth it. The promise of killing Kovar was too good to pass up. 

 

Felicity broke things off with Adam and spent days in a guilt-fueled haze. She ate a lot of ice cream and considered if she’d ever find the person for her. The chick-flick in his head was a reprieve from training with the mysterious Talia. The consistent murder sprees were taking less and less of a toll. It was just target practice for the real deal: snapping Kovar’s neck. He didn’t much care about Felicity’s moral take on his life anymore. He was beyond judgment.

 

_ “I accidentally ran into the CEO today. Literally. I don’t know if you know anything about Moira Queen, but she does not approve of her peons crashing into her.”  _ This was the first time she had mentioned his family.  _ “Her son and husband disappeared. But you knew that. Everyone knows that. Maybe she was kinder before they died, but she’s not so nice now. They didn’t ever recover the bodies. The poor woman had nothing to bury.”  _ Oliver did, though. He could find his father’s grave with his eyes closed. Right next to Shado’s and Taiana’s.  _ “I babbled to her about increasing our server’s efficiency. I don’t think she cared, though. But I could implement a 15% power savings as well as increase speeds by 25%.”  _ Of course she could. And of course she told a grieving woman this.  _ “She told me to take it up with my supervisor. Not like he would understand.”  _ He knew she was smarter than her supervisor. She had told him enough.  _ “Anyway, I hope you are having a good day. That’s all. Bye.” _

 

Kovar’s casino was a plot for mass murder. Oliver needed to stop him. And that meant donning the hood again. He sharpened his arrows.

 

_ “Happy Anniversary! It’s been two years since you saw me. I’d really like to met, still. A part of me always will. The Internet tells me you’re out there, even if we only have half of a connection. And I trust the Internet. I just don’t understand why you won’t come find me. You know, I’ve spent days going through security footage, access logs, and witness testimony. But you cut the feed before you went into Mrs. Queen’s office that night, and you used a dead man’s credentials to hack the system. Clever, really. Two years later you’re still a mystery, and I don't like mysteries.” _

 

Kovar was dead. It was time to return home, via Lian Yu. In the meantime, he had to kill Kovar and his men again. But he made the boat. He was going to save his city.

 

Step one of the mission: get someone on the inside who could serve as backup and preserve his identity. That man revealed himself as John Diggle.

 

_ “Oliver Queen is alive! He survived for five years on some deserted island. It’s all anyone can talk about, at work and on the news. He’s going to need some serious therapy. And probably a lot of IV drips. If I was stuck on an island by myself, I’d die in like three days. What would I eat? Probably coconuts and leaves. Maybe small game? See, I’d end up eating poison ivy on day one. And having no one to talk to for five years? No way, jose. Kinda makes all my problems seem small in comparison. The last five years haven’t been easy, but I wasn't ever at risk of dying. Rumor has it he’s been around the office, but I haven’t seen him. I’ll keep you posted.” _

 

His plan hummed along nicely until he recovered a bullet-ridden laptop. Neither he nor Diggle had the expertise to get anything off of it. But he had a whole company at his disposal. He took the laptop into QC, and approached the first person he saw in IT, asking to be pointed to the best they had.

 

“That would be Felicity.”

 

Oliver balked. Surely, it couldn't be. “Are you sure there’s not someone else I could talk to?”

 

The intern shrugged. “If you want the best, you want Felicity. She’s over there.”

 

Oliver steeled himself. He could be professional. And he doubted anyone less than the best would be able to help him. So to his soulmate’s cubicle he went. 

 

Her profile was to him, and she was chewing on a red pen. She didn’t look much older than she had been two and a half years ago. He knew he did.

 

“Felicity Smoak?” She turned to him, and she saw him. The warmth flooded him, and he could feel her in his head. He put the sensation aside so he could focus on the task at hand. “I’m Oliver Queen.”

 

“Of course, I know who you are. You’re Mr. Queen.” She didn’t notice that he was her soulmate, then. And as long as he kept his end of the connection silent, she never would.

 

She was able to help with the laptop, and Oliver left, reassuring himself that he’d never see her again. Later that day, he heard the babbling.

 

_ “Oliver Queen came to me for help today with his computer. Odd guy. Hot, duh, but odd. I guess I shouldn't be hard on him. He’s not used to people, and certainly not computers. Well, it’s a story I guess I can tell my kids someday. I fixed a celebrity’s computer. Even if that celebrity is a horrible liar.”  _ She didn’t elaborate further, but she was obviously talking about the latte thing.

 

The mission progressed. More names were crossed off the list. And Oliver was beginning to understand why Felicity still spoke to him. Having a soulmate link was like having a constant presence in your head. It felt wrong to ignore it. The longer he did, the more his head hurt. It was distracting him from the mission, he rationalized. So he went to see her, hoping that would be enough.

 

He had enough technical problems that seeing her served two purposes. He had to research a crime family, trace arrows, and unlock a security fob. He told himself no one else could accomplish the tasks, even though he was asking an IT girl to do a spectroanalysis for a drug in a syringe, a task better suited for Applied Sciences. Each visit eased his head, but it wasn’t enough. 

 

So he gave in to the temptation. It had been months since their first meeting, so he figured she couldn’t connect his appearance with that of her soulmate. So as he lay in bed one night, he reached out.

 

_ “Felicity?” _ Silence. Maybe he wasn’t doing it right.  _ “Felicity, are you there?” _

 

_ “Hi, yes, I’m here. I just….I can’t believe it. It’s you. I can hear you!” _

 

_ “And I can say hello.” _

 

_ “Are you okay? I’ve been so worried about you! You never came to visit, and I thought-” _

 

_ “I’m fine, Felicity, really.” _

 

_ “Did I see you today? I’m sorry, I don’t remember.” _

 

_ “You saw me briefly, yes.” _

 

_ “Why didn’t you talk to me?” _

 

And just like that, the bubble popped.  _ “I’m sorry, Felicity. I truly am.” _

 

_ “Sorry about what?” _ Her voice broke.

 

_ “I can’t...I can’t be your soulmate. That’s not going going to work out for us.” _

 

A long pause.  _ “I’m not sure I understand.” _

 

_ “I can’t be the soulmate you deserve, Felicity. I know you, and you deserve better. I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “You’re sorry?” _ It felt like she was yelling.  _ “You don't get to decide if you're my soulmate.  You already are. Something bigger than either of us has decided that we deserve each other. You don't get to take that away just because you think you know better. No one is better for me than you. No one.” _

 

She was so wrong. Anyone would be better for her.  _ “I’m not a good person, Felicity. This can’t be. _ ”

 

She continued to berate him, and he ignored it. It hurt to tune her out, but he didn’t want her arguments. He knew the facts. Sh needed to be far away from him.

 

That plan fell through when he ended up bleeding out in her backseat. He knew he could trust her, that was beyond obvious. At this point, he didn’t know if he was drawing her in for practical reasons, or emotional. Being with her was becoming addictive. And now he had an excuse to see her every day.

 

_ “Today was the weirdest day. I don't even know how to explain it. I learned something today, something I should’ve known, about someone I know. I made a promise to keep this a secret, though, so here I am. Keeping secrets from my soulmate.”  _ She paused. “ _ I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was so excited and overwhelmed to talk with you that I lost sight of the bigger picture. I can’t force you to be with me, soulmate or not. God knows I’ve forced myself on you enough these last few years.” _

 

Did she think he was sick of her? Not possible.  _ “Felicity, I don’t regret having you in my head. I even like it. I just don’t think I’m good for you.” _

 

_ “You-you like having me in your head?” _

 

_ “Yeah. It’s one of the only things I like about my life.” _

 

_ “So we can keep talking?” _

 

He laughed.  _ “Yes, Felicity, I’d like that.” _

 

_ “Great. How was your day?”  _ And he proceeded to tell her a censored version of his day.

 

They got in the habit of talking at night, every night. Felicity always had good advice to tackle his vaguely-described problems, and she cou make him smile. Sometimes, she’d send him laughter. Having someone laugh inside your head? Amazing.

 

Felicity hadn’t tracked the latest criminal, leading to them all watching him murder a civilian on screen . Felicity was rightly horrified. He didn’t comfort her. Wearing the hood, he didn’t know that he even could.

 

“My soulmate...we found each other but he doesn’t want to be together. If we were, I don't know how I’d tell him about today.”

 

He placed a tentative hand on her should. “If you ever need to tell him about your day, you should.”

 

She shook her head. “I can’t overwhelm him with-with all this.” She swept out her hand to emphasize her point. “He’s probably better off.” She looked down.

 

“Felicity.” No response. “Felicity.” She looked up. “Everyone's better off with you in their life. I am.”

 

And he turned to get changed before the effect of his statement could sink in.

 

_ “I think I have feelings for someone else.”  _ Her words came immediately as he exited the room.  _ “Is that wrong?” _

 

_ “No. There’s nothing more I want for you than to find the person for you.” _

 

_ “This is so weird. None of this is how it’s supposed to work.” _

 

_ “We can be platonic soulmates, and still be good for each other.” _

 

_ “You’re right. So, as my friend, can I talk to you about this new guy?” _

 

_ “I’m not much for girl talk, but I’ll do my best.” _

 

_ “He’s way out of my league, but he's been in my thoughts for a while now. We’ve been getting closer lately, and sometimes I think he feels the same way. Sometimes, though, I think it’s just my overactive imagination.” _

 

_ “Give me an example.” _

 

_ “He gives me these...intense looks. Like the rest of the world fades away when I’m there.” _

 

_ “Do I know this guy?”  _

 

_ “Um, yeah.” _

 

He thought through all the guys she had mentioned. She talked fondly about Diggle a lot, but that obviously wasn’t it. There were guys at work, but she had disdain for most of them. He was at a loss.

 

_ “Do I get a name?” _

 

_ “Don’t laugh.” _

 

_ “Never.” _

 

_ “Oliver Queen.” _

 

Oliver tripped over the pants he was changing out of, falling on his butt. Felicity had feelings for him in real life? She knew he was capable of murder, and she still was falling for him? That couldn’t be right. 

 

_ “Oliver Queen as in-” _

 

_ “Yes, the billionaire playboy and my boss’ boss’ boss’ stepson. And it’s crazy that I even know him, but now that I do, I can’t get this stupid crush out of my head.” _

 

Oliver had to know.  _ “Earlier, didn’t you say there was something off about that guy?” _

 

_ “He explained everything. He’s as sane as anyone who spent five years on a deserted island can be. Am I crazy?” _

 

_ “Of course not. You can feel however you want, Felicity. The guy just doesn’t have a sterling reputation, is all. _ ” It was the closest he could get to discouraging her.

 

_ “He’s not like that, not really. I mean, maybe before the island. But he’s a good man.” _

 

_ “What are you going to do?” _

 

_ “Nothing. Just see what happens, I guess.” _

 

_ “Don't get your hopes up too high. The guy is a heartbreaker.”  _ Among other things.

 

_ “Thanks for keeping me grounded. Goodnight.” _

 

_ “Goodnight, Felicity.” _

 

He couldn’t get her out of his head. She had feelings for him. There was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't be with her. He was the darkness; it was the only way to fight.

 

The Glades fell. Tommy died knowing Oliver was a murderer. Laurel couldn’t forgive him. He couldn't look Felicity in the eye with the burden of his guilt. He ran to the one place where feelings couldn’t exist. The island was everything he needed it to be. A place to lose track of time, to refine his skills, to consider next steps. There was just one thing he couldn’t hide from.

 

_ “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I live in Starling, and the attack has everyone freaking out. _ ” He said nothing.  _ “Are you there?” _

 

Another day.  _ “Oliver moved. He didn’t say goodbye, so I guess we’re not as close as I thought. I didn't realize the world could get darker when someone leaves. My dad left, but it wasn’t like this.” _

 

_ “Your dad left?” _

 

_ “I knew I could get you to talk. Yeah, when I was little. Haven't seen him since. My mom says that’s for the best. She’s probably right.” _

 

_ “What do you remember about him?” _

 

_ “His hands, mostly. He typed a lot. That’s where I get it from. He sometimes got callouses from typing so much.” _

 

_ “That's intense.” _

 

_ “Mom says he was an intense guy, just intent on the wrong things. I try not to let computers take over my life, remember that humans are what matter.” _

 

_ “Have you ever thought about trying to find him?” _

 

_ “Thought about it? All the time. Did anything about it? Never. Some things are just better left in the past.” _

 

_ “Why haven’t you ever mentioned him before?” _

 

_ “I don’t want people to think things about me.” _

 

_ “Like what?” _

 

_ “That I have abandonment problems, or daddy issues. And maybe, deep down, I don’t want people to think I drive people away. My dad, Cooper, any friends.” _

 

She didn’t have to elaborate on Cooper. That’s a discussion they’d had before. He knew she blamed herself in part for his death. He didn’t. He knew what a killer looked like ,and she was the furthest from that.

 

_ “You haven't driven me off yet, never will.” _

 

_ “Yeah, but you're not here, are you? You don't want to be with me.” _

 

_ “Felicity-” _

 

_ “You know what? It’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone can leave, but I’m staying. I know where I'm needed, what I need to do. I’ll just do it alone.” _

 

The island centered him. It didn't stop the nightmares, though. Everything was mixed up in his unconscious. He watched Ivo shoot Tommy, listened to Taiana beg for her life in Chinese, held Sara as she died from the Omega virus. So much death, and what good had it done? Did the people on the list have to die? Was there another way? Could all the darkness in the city be contained in Iron Heights?

 

He didn’t hear from Felicity for weeks. He knew it had to physically bother her not to stay in touch, because it did for him. Still, she seemed content to be alone. He knew Diggle would be taking care of her, whatever she was up to. 

 

He thought he’d know when it was time to return to Starling, that it would hit him. But months passed and nothing changed. Oliver explored parts of the island he hadn't yet been to, including a monastery he and Slade had seen. There wasn’t much to it, but he wondered what it was doing there. The island held more secrets than one could discover in a lifetime. He knew it was only a matter of time before the next someone came along to use the island for their own purposes.

 

_ “I’ve decided to stop waiting for people to realize their mistakes. Oliver needs to be back, and I’m going to get him.”  _ Felicity was coming here? To the island?  _ “He’s needed at home. His company, his city, his family. They all need him.” _

 

_ “You know where he is?” _

 

_ “If you were Oliver Queen,and the world went to hell, where would you escape?” _

 

_ “If I was a guy with a private jet, I’d go to Tahiti.” _

 

_ “He did go to an island, but one slightly less warm.” _

 

_ “You think he marooned himself? He’s crazier than I thought.” _

 

_ “His home was destroyed. It’s the only other home he knows. It’s what I’d do.” _

 

_ “Sounds like you really know him.” _

 

_ “I do. And I’m going to get him back.” _

 

And she did. She almost died doing it, what with the landmine and all, but she did. And she had made him a bow. He knew how much research would’ve gone into making the perfect weapon, meaning she had been designing it while she had been mad at him, at both of him. She believed in him that much. So the mission continued, this time without killing.

 

_ “You’ll never guess what.” _

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ “I got a new job.”  _ Oh, here she goes. He knew exactly what she thought of the job.

 

_ “And what’s that?” _

 

_ “I’m a secretary.” _

 

_ “I think they’re called Executive Assistants.” _

 

_ “Sure, if you want to ignore the connotations that go with being a secretary.” _

 

_ “So whose assistant are you?” _

 

_ “Oliver! I thought we were good, and then he takes me out of a job I excelled at to make me his personal coffee-fetcher!” _

 

_ “Isn’t that technically a promotion?” _

 

_ “Really? You’re taking his side? Men!” _

 

_ “I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m just trying to understand why you’re upset you’re getting a pay raise for a job you can do in your sleep.” _

 

_ “Because I want a challenge! I want to use skills I’ve worked hard to obtain to make a difference! And because I don't want the assumptions that come with this job!” _

 

_ “Assumptions?” _

 

_ “Assumptions about what I did to get this job, or what Oliver might ask of me now that I have it.” _

 

_ “You lost me.” _

 

_ “I did not sleep my way to this job, and I’m not going to sleep with him now that I have it. But you can bet everyone thinks so. I can see it in their eyes.” _

 

_ “Everyone has to know how qualified you are.” _

 

_ “That doesn't matter, never will. You know, my mother has denied jobs because she knew sex was expected of her, but I never thought that I’d be put in that position.” _

 

_ “You think Oliver expects sex from you?!?” _

 

_ “No, of course not. But what’s the difference between doing something and having everyone think you did?” _

 

_ “Why didn't you say something?” _

 

_ “Oliver is many things, but he’s still someone brought up in a bubble. He’d never get it. How some of us care how we’re perceived.” _

 

He thought of all the lectures his mother had given him growing up, about public perception. How they had to be a perfect family outside the mansion. How he felt he had to rebel against that.

 

_ “I’m sure if you talked to him about your concerns, he’d be understanding.” _

 

_ “No, because there’s no one better for this job and he knows it. If he has any hope of succeeding as CEO, it’s with me as his partner.” _

 

_ “I’m sure he knows that.” _

 

The mission hit its first snag when Felicity was taken. The Count had put all the pieces together, and knew how to hit the Arrow hard. She was his soulmate, and he didn’t even know she had been captured until he got the call. Why hadn’t she said anything? Asked for help?

 

He killed the Count for daring to touch his girl. Three arrows to the chest, falling backwards off the twentieth floor. Leave no one any doubt who had committed the act. A message to anyone who would harm her.

 

Felicity had to tell him that he had been shot. He couldn't even feel it. She was all that mattered. He got her safely back to the bunker, incapable of letting her out of his sight. She told him she was sorry he had to kill, but he wasn’t. Line them up, whoever would come for her. Arrows for them all.

 

He saw her home that night, only leaving when she promised to call him when she woke up That and the knowledge he could talk to her in other ways. Sure enough, when he left, he heard her.

 

_ “Hi, it’s me.” _

 

He camped out in some bushes near her property.  _ “Hi, you.”  _ He wanted her to lead this conversation.

 

_ “A big thing happened tonight. Really big. And I don’t know how to feel about it.” _

 

_ “Do you want to talk about it?” _

 

_ “I was kidnapped. Well, I’m not a kid, so maybe I was more abducted. I was taken. And the man tried to kill me. Almost did. _ ” He imagined here she took a steadying breath.  _ “If he hadn't come for me, no more Felicity.” _

 

_ “Who’s he?” _

 

_ “The Arrow, or the vigilante, or the Hood. You know who. He saved me. I knew he would, the Count called him to come get me. But there were so many unknowns, I just wasn’t sure if it would all work out. And I kept thinking, if this is it, what about him? What’s he going to do?” _

 

_ “Who?” _

 

_ “You! You probably wouldn’t figure out I was dead for days, and we’d never meet.” _

 

_ “Felicity, we’re not going to meet.” _

 

_ “That’s what you think. That’s what I thought. But in those final moments, I wanted to. I want to know how the you I see in my head matches up. I want to hear what your real voice sounds like. I want to look me in the eye and tell me it’s not going to happen. I almost died, and all I could think about was you.”  _ Oliver was overwhelmed. He thought she’d just be scared and worried for her life, but that she was thinking of him, in any version?  _ “What would be so wrong with us meeting? I don’t care that you're married, or unavailable, or whatever. I’m not saying we need to fall in love. But I want to know you.” _

 

_ “You know things about me that no one in the world does. You know me, Felicity.” _

 

_ “Everything except your identity.” _

 

She was right; she deserved something.  _ “One question.” _

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ “You can ask me one question about me and I’ll tell the truth.” _

 

She went silent for a while, and, if he couldn’t sense her, he’d have thought she was asleep.  _ “What do you dream about?” _

 

He could answer that question in so many ways. His nightmares, his fears, his memories. But only one answer was the truth.  _ “You.” _

 

That night, for the first time in seven years, he had no nightmares.

 

\---------------------------------

 

There were few very hard and fast rules of being on a vigilante team. One rule was Oliver didn't kill, but that had exceptions. Another was that no one could know his secret, but that too had limits. The final rule was that Felicity didn’t go into the field. He had let it happen too many times already, and it never ended well. Each time had led to her barely escaping, no matter the plan or circumstances. Oliver absolutely forbid it. She put her life at enough risk already.

 

The rule was being well followed, until Felicity ran out into the field herself, thinking she could outsmart Tockman. He knew she could outwit him, that wasn’t in question. But she couldn't outman him. And it landed her with a bullet in her shoulder. He couldn’t breathe; everything was red. He took her back to the bunker, with Sara and Diggle repeatedly assuring him it was just a flesh wound. That might've been fine if it had been him, but this was Felicity’s flesh they were talking about. She wasn’t supposed to be touched by this life. He had promised to protect her. 

 

After they had stitched her up, he insisted on taking her home and sleeping on the couch in case she tore her stitches during the night. She told him once she thrashed in her sleep, and that wasn't conducive for her sutures. She was still loopy from the oxy Diggle had administered.

 

He was just settling down onto the couch when he heard the thud of dead weight in her bedroom. He was through the door in a moment. Felicity was on the floor, half-in, half-out of her tank top, clearly struggling to get it off.

 

“Help! My top attacked me!”

 

And if it wasn't the cutest thing he’d ever seen. He couldn't see her face, but he could imagine her pouting. He learned down to smooth the clothing over her torso, freeing her arms in the process. Her glasses had fallen nearby, and he stretched over to grab them and slide them up her nose. If he lingered brushing her hair out of her eyes, he wouldn’t tell. 

 

She looked up at him. “It’s you.”

 

“Were you expecting someone else?”

 

Her pout returned. “I thought you were my soulmate.” He started. Did she know? How? “Not that you were my soulmate, but that my soulmate was here. Sometimes it feels like he is. We talk about you, you know.”

 

“Oh?” He helped her into bed.

 

“Yeah. He thinks you and I shouldn’t be friends. I told him he was wrong. If he knew the real you, he’d get it. I think you two would be friends. But I can’t have him, and I can’t have you. I don't get to have anybody.”

 

He tucked her in, hiding his face as he did so. He knew the oxy was making her far more talkative, willing to say things she shouldn’t. As he moved to leave, her hand reached out to grab his forearm.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I’ll just be in the other room.”

 

“Stay.” And then she looked at him. When she looked at him like that, he’d give her anything. His fortune, his heart, his soul, she had it. But if he stayed tonight, he'd never leave. And she deserved better.

 

He clawed her fingers off. “Goodnight.”

 

She didn’t talk to him that night, or several after. She seemed the same in real life, like nothing was wrong. But he missed her. On the fourth night, he couldn't help himself.

 

_ “Felicity?”  _ Nothing.  _ “Felicity?”  _ he tried, more insistently.

 

_ “What do you want?” _

 

_ “We haven’t talked in a while. I missed you.” _

 

_ “Was I wrong?” _

 

_ “About?”  _ He tried to follow the non-sequitur.

 

_ “I thought that if you didn’t want me, it was a sign to try things with Oliver. But I made a huge fool of myself in front of him the other night, basically admitting my feelings, and he acts like it didn't happen. As far as rejections, it’s not the worst way to go. So why does it hurt so much?” _

 

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. But this was far less hurt than being in his life for real would bring her. This was preferable.  _ “I’m sorry, Felicity.” _

 

_ “Why did I think I had a chance? Am I that stupid to think I could get through to the city’s most eligible bachelor? That he would see someone like me and think I was anything more than an expendable IT girl? I’m an idiot.” _

 

_ “No, Oliver is. You’re amazing, and only an idiot wouldn’t see that. I’m sure Oliver sees it, too. You can do so much better.” _

 

_ Really, can I? Because I don’t know if Oliver is someone I can get over. He’s my best friend.” _

 

Of course he was. She was his, too. Her and Diggle. Sometimes, it felt like they were all he had.

 

_ “You’ll get over him, and find the amazing guy for you. I know it.” _

 

_ “I don’t.” _

 

Now that Oliver knew what was bothering her, he did his best to make her feel better. He’d compliment her on her searches, recognized when she got new shoes, and even bought her a new bag, chosen by his sister. He wanted her to know how special and valued she was, especially to him. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything, to any version of him. 

 

Slade was alive. Alive and in his city. This game didn’t end until Oliver put another arrow through his head. Unfolding his plot took weeks, but the time finally came to move. As they were preparing their closing gambit, he felt the warmth flood him.

 

_ “Are you there?” _

 

_ “I’m here, Felicity.”  _ He could see her across the room, typing away.

 

_ “If you didn’t know, our city is kinda under siege. And I may or may not be in the middle of it.” _

 

She remained working at her station, as if she wasn’t currently speaking to him. He busied himself with restringing his bow, trying not to look at her.

 

_ “Are you safe?” _

 

_ “As safe as I can be. I actually think I can be of help. I just wanted you to know that if something goes wrong, it’s been nice knowing you.” _

 

She was saying goodbye?  _ “Felicity, nothing’s going to happen to you.” _

 

_ “You can’t know that. There’s things about me you don’t know, things that might make you think differently. I just want you to know that if this thing goes bottoms-up, I’ve enjoyed having you as my soulmate. And that maybe we weren’t destined to meet because the universe didn’t want you to lose me like this. Maybe it’s better this way.” _

 

He glanced up at her, but her expression was blank. He couldn’t have her talking like this. Slade was going after the woman he loved, and his old friend didn’t know that woman was in this basement with him. At least by hiding his feelings, Felicity was safe.

 

But what if she wasn’t? What if Slade her her? What if their advantage was what Slade didn’t know?

 

“Felicity, come with me. I have an idea,” he said out loud.

 

“Where are we headed?” Her blind trust in him hit him hard. He might be leading her to the slaughter, but what choice did he have?

 

“You’ll see.”

 

She must’ve known they were headed to the abandoned mansion when he took the off-ramp out of the city. She didn’t say anything, even if she could be heard over the growl of the Ducati. When they got there, he dismounted and helped her do the same. She followed him through the front doors.

 

She was confused, and rightfully so. He told her he had to keep her safe. That he needed it. It was true, but also a lie. He was planning on putting her in danger. She claimed she wanted to be by his side. And of course he wanted her there. She needed to know that.

 

“So he took the wrong woman.” The shock on her face was apparent, followed by disbelief. And why should she believe him? He’d done nothing but push her away for two years. The best and worst of his life. “I love you.”

 

He rested his forehead on hers.  _ “I’m your soulmate.”  _ He slipped the syringe into her hand, and left without another word.

 

She didn’t say anything. Through her inevitable kidnapping, the final battle, a trip to Lian Yu, and a trip back. She did not acknowledge him, verbally or otherwise. He took her home, and she said nothing as he followed her into her apartment. She sat on her couch, burying her head in her hands. He stood nearby, unsure what to do, what to say.   
  


“I don’t even know where to begin,” she started, only looking up on her last word. “How dare you?”

 

“How dare I what?”

 

“I’m not some toy that you can take out of the box and play with when you feel like it, and ignore when you don’t. I’m a person. With feelings.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“So then where do you get off manipulating me?”

 

“I needed to fool Slade into-”

 

“I’m not talking about that!” She stood and pointed an accusatory finger at him. “You’ve been stringing me along for five years! You ignored me for years, then suddenly say we have to stay friends, but you partnered with me. You sought me out! You brought me in, you listened to me fall in love with you, and never did you hint that you were you!” Wait, she loved him? “I thought you were some monk who had sworn some kind of vow not to be with anyone, not the man I spend every day and every night with!”

 

“I thought it would be better-”

 

“Better for you! You didn’t ever stop and think about what I wanted, how I would react to having you as my soulmate.” He stepped back. It was the first time it had been said out loud, that they were soulmates. “How I feel about the constant lying, the betrayal, the embarrassment. Did you laugh at me every time I talked about how I felt about you? Every time I said that I had seen you? You must’ve thought I was such an idiot, every day.”

 

“No, never, I-”

 

“And the worst part is how little you trust me. Trust me to be mature about decision making in my own life. Trust me to be there for all of you. Trust me with your heart.”

 

“There is no one I trust more with my heart than you.”

 

“That doesn’t matter when that trust adds up to nothing. You’ll never be able to trust anyone but yourself.” She sat back down. “And I deserve better than a soulmate who won’t share his soul.” She returned her head to her hands, signaling the end of this conversation. If he had a pitch, he knew now was not the time to make it. He left her alone.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

He returned to the bunker, and passed out in her chair. There was really no where else suitable to sleep. He dreamed that Slade killed her. He couldn’t remember the last time a nightmare had been so vivid. He woke up to someone shaking him vigorously.

 

“Oliver, wake up!” It was her. She was here.

 

“Felicity.” It was almost a shock to see her alive, after what he thought he had just witnessed. “What are you doing down here?”

 

“You weren’t answering your phone, so I pinged you.”

 

“Right, but why?”

 

“I couldn't sleep, and I could hear you. You were calling for me.”

 

“In my sleep?”

 

“Apparently.” She continued to stand there, unsure whether to leave him. “I don’t like knowing you’re in distress.”

 

“Don’t worry about me.” He faked a smile. “I’m fine.”

 

She cocked her head in disbelief. “I’ll never stop worrying about you. Ever.”

 

“You shouldn't. You should-”

 

“I thought I had made myself pretty clear that you don’t decide what I should do.”

 

He grimaced. “Right.”   
  


She hesitated, but then decided to talk. “I want to tell you two things. My favorite thing about Oliver is he’s always there, as a friend and companion. He’s not the most emotionally available person, but I know I can count on him. My hero.”

 

The warmth flooded him. “And the other thing?”

 

“My soulmate is always there, too. In a different way. He listens to me go on about my day, a dream I had, any thought I have. We’ve never met, but it felt like I knew him. He even told me he did.” Oliver nodded. “I love them both, in different ways. They balanced each other out, yin and yang. But now I know...they’re two sides of the same coin. One can’t exist without the other, and…”

 

“And?” he asked, hopeful.

 

“The one person, Oliver, my soulmate, he’s everything.  _ You’re everything.” _

 

“Felicity-”

 

“I’m not done. I need to know if it even matters. Because I’m making myself vulnerable here. I want to be with you, as a real soulmate. No gimmicks, no armor, no lies. Just you and me.”

 

He was speechless. How could someone so wonderful say those things? Want him in that way? How could he say no? This wasn’t a genie he could put back in the bottle. He loved her, and that would never change.   
  


“Yes.”

 

“Yes?”

 

He stood, cupping her face in the process. “Yes.”

 

He slanted her lips against hers. They fit perfectly together. How could he have denied this for so long? The warmth was filling him, setting every nerve aflame. He couldn’t get enough.

 

Finally, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers again. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, Oliver Queen.”

 

And he thanked every star in the sky for delivering him to her. His heart, his soul, his Felicity. 


End file.
